Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
