I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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