just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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