The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
