i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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