You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
