Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
MIDGETS
????
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
