The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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