I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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