This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
