Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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