btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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