She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
