Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I love you. Go after that dick
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
