I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
