Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
