I just pynch a tree in the face
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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