just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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