Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
