I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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