So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
