Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
