Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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