she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
