No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
