We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
