I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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