ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
