I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
