I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
