so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
