I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he was CRYING into my vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
