seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
