Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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