Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We are two peas in an std pod
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
