so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
