Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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