I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
