I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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