between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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