I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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