someone owes me an orgasm
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
