I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
