..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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