WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
