If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
