Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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