atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
