I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
