Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
smell my finger.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
