Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
