So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
