lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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