u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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