Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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