we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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