we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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