I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
