my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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