I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
false alarm. still invincible.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
