I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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