If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
