you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
