I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've blown a few things in my day
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I made him laugh his dick is mine
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
