Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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