Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
