Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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