I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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