jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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