; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
