..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
