Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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