Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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