i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
love makes seman taste better
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
