you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
