Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
