ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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