So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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