Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm at about main and main street
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
