My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
