Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize