We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
