apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I forget how to act sober
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
