Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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