You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
