She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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