I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
