I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
