You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
