I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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