I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
