Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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