he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize