Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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