someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I could make wine with my vomit
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
