Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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