I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
