i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
