no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
