I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
