This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
