hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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