ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
